Why I Love Anime

The Illini Game

...I don't wanna talk about it.

She Doesn't Blink

And he looks weird when he sings.

Return of the Podcast

What happens when you take three veteran podcasters, put them in a room after a year and a half layoff, and expect podcast magic? Disappointment. The rust is obvious, and so is the lack of preparation, but there is one funny joke in there if you care to listen long enough to spot it.

Click here to download.

Another Year Down

Hi

Remember at the beginning of the year when I declared it was time to finally get serious about my writing, and set a goal to write at least one short story a month? Well mission accomplished this month, my friends. One short story in the bag, and on its way to rejection.

On a side note, my blogging stats revealed to me that this page gets significantly more page views than I would have guessed, and that people are finding me through some interesting though narrow Google searches. The top five are:

1) Red hair
2) Men with red hair
3) Neanderthal red hair
4) Red hair (again)
5) Andy Einstein (finally!)

Not In My Country

Dear Editor,

the arrogance demonstrated by the president is disgusting.

I am tired of the leftist democratic loons, running out in front of cameras screaming racism, and intolerance. Those pigs only have one common goal, to see the utter demise of America. isnt it obvious by now that the President himself is soooo OUT OF TOUCH with reality and every body here in the US????

THE ISSUE IS ABOUT IT BEING HALLOWED GROUND AND BASICALLY IT'S A GRAVEYARD ! ! ! AMERICA'S GRAVEYARD FOR 911 !!! AND PRESIDENT OBAMA IS GOING TO ALLOW ISLAM TO BUILD A MOSQUE TO SHOW THEIR VICTORY OVER AMERICA SO THEY CAN REVEL IN THEIR VICTORY ON 911 ! ! ! ! THE RIGHTS AND FREEDOMS HAVE NOTHING WHATSOEVER TO DO WITH THE SITUATION (THE BOSTON POLICE ACTED STUPIDLY: remember Pres OBAMA?) THE FOCUS SHOULD BE ON ISLAM SPITTING ON THE GRAVESITE OF 3,000 AMERICAN SOULS!!!!!!!!! THAT'S THE FOCUS MR PRESIDENT WAKE-UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If they build it, they will come. If they buld it, They will come and destroy it. this CORDOBA INITIATIVE has only one aim. to claim victory. the project wants to have a thirteenth floor for prayers and what a beautiful view of ground zero that will be!!! need I say more? If they build it, we deserve to lose our freedoms and country to them.

Obama is a true idiot plain and simple. God help our country the remaining 2 years of his reign of terror!

USA!!! USA!!! NoBama!!! NoBama!!! USA!!! USA!!!

Sincerely,

Grant ‘Jimmy Lip’ Hogan

Note: The entirety of this 'letter' was copy/pasted from the comment sections of various Fox News articles.

K.O. on Prop 8

Thought I'd bring this little gem back out in the wake of Proposition 8 being overturned. This was Keith's Special Comment when it was initially passed in November of '08.

If You're Comin On...COME ON!!!

I'd like to take a moment to honor Harold Howard, one of the early pioneers of mixed martial arts (MMA). I feel the man is often overlooked when discussing the legends of this young sport. Consider the following:

- He was the first man to defeat UFC Hall of Famer Royce Gracie when Gracie threw in the towel before the fight, chickening out due to dehydration and a broken foot.

- Is the only man to attempt a flipping axe kick in the octagon (see video below).

- Wore a mullet without irony.

- Boasts a record of 2-3.

- Is currently incarcerated for two counts of attempted murder, two counts of assault with a weapon, attempted breaking and entering, failure to remain, flight from police, dangerous operation of a motor vehicle, mischief, and two counts breach of recognizance after being captured by police after attacking his sister and nephew with a hammer, attempting to force his way into his estranged wife's home, and finally crashing his car into a casino.

Why the UFC has failed to recognize such a legend is not known. I just hope my little blog can go some way to rectifying such an injustice.



Books Read

Under The Dome by Stephen King
John Dies At The End by David Wong
Fool by Christopher Moore
Jingo by Terry Pratchett
The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents by Terry Pratchett
Bobby Fischer Goes To War by David Edmonds and John Eidinow
The Summoner by Gail Z Martin
The Book of Basketball by Bill Simmons
Gator A Go-Go by Tim Dorsey
Divine Misfortune by A Lee Martinez
Open by Andre Agassi
The Jordan Rules by Sam Smith
Night Watch by Terry Pratchett
Lords and Ladies by Terry Pratchett
Homicide: A Year On The Killing Streets by David Simon
The Will Of The Wanderer by Margaret Weis & Tracy Hickman
Dead in the Family by Charlaine Harris
Nine Dragons by Michael Connelly
Carpe Jugulum by Terry Pratchett
Supreme Courtship by Christopher Buckley
The Truth by Terry Pratchett
Monstrous Regiment by Terry Pratchett
Thud! by Terry Pratchett
Men At Arms by Terry Pratchett

Currently Reading

Why I Fight by BJ Penn
The Hero With A Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell

To Read Pile

Star Island by Carl Hiaasen
Bone Shaker by Cherie Priest
Going Postal by Terry Pratchett
Making Money by Terry Pratchett*


* Pratchett is obviously my default author to read when nothing new is out. I would guess I read almost all his books 1 -3 times a year.

My Girl's Pussy

This is why I like old timey stuff so much.

That's Not Funny

Once upon a time, in the 70s, people got really confused over what was really funny and what wasn't. People watched shows like Happy Days and Mork and Mindy, and thought they were witnessing comedy. They were wrong. The low point came with one Raymond J. Johnson Jr. Witness below, the worst attempt at humor EVER.



Did you laugh? Perhaps out of sheer embarrassment, but not from any form of mirth. You may recognize the shtick from The Simpsons and/or King Of The Hill. That's where I discovered it, but I thought the shows were just poking fun at old-timey humor. However, not only was ol' Ray J real, he popular enough to get an endorsement deal.



*Sigh* What are you doing, 1970s?

The Best Sentence I've Read All Year

From a June 16 BBC article:

A German student "mooned" a group of Hell's Angels and hurled a puppy at them before escaping on a stolen bulldozer, police have said.

BP Underwater Oil Plumes Hold Vast Quantities of Oil

Everybody Draw Mohammad Day

I couldn't be bothered to actually draw anything on this day, which is meant as a nod to free speech, but if I had, it probably would have looked like this.




















If you're curious about why today is Everybody Draw Mohammad Day click here.

Books Read

Under The Dome by Stephen King
John Dies At The End by David Wong
Fool by Christopher Moore
Jingo by Terry Pratchett
The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents by Terry Pratchett
Bobby Fischer Goes To War by David Edmonds and John Eidinow
The Summoner by Gail Z Martin
The Book of Basketball by Bill Simmons
Gator A Go-Go by Tim Dorsey
Divine Misfortune by A Lee Martinez
Open by Andre Agassi
The Jordan Rules by Sam Smith
Night Watch by Terry Pratchett
Lords and Ladies by Terry Pratchett
Homicide: A Year On The Killing Streets by David Simon
The Will Of The Wanderer by Margaret Weis & Tracy Hickman


Currently Reading

Dead in the Family by Charlaine Harris

You Kissing Slut!

She's sweet sixteen, and never been kissed. Never! Except maybe by her creepy father, and the lord.

You Kissing Asshole!

Not sure why a man would want to kiss another man on the mouth before a fight, but here's what happens when he does. The American, Heath Herring, who does not believe actions speak louder than words, assures us repeatedly that he is not gay even if he does sound less sure of himself with each pronouncement. The Japanese fighter, Yoshihiro Nakao, was later taken to hospital and treated for a nasty case of rejection with complications from a broken heart.

You Want Sad, Funny, Scary, Confusing?

Then watch this:




Similar to my reaction when the Illini lost the 2005 title game.

Books Read

Under The Dome by Stephen King
John Dies At The End by David Wong
Fool by Christopher Moore
Jingo by Terry Pratchett
The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents by Terry Pratchett
Bobby Fischer Goes To War by David Edmonds and John Eidinow
The Summoner by Gail Z Martin
The Book of Basketball by Bill Simmons
Gator A Go-Go by Tim Dorsey
Divine Misfortune by A Lee Martinez
Open by Andre Agassi
The Jordan Rules by Sam Smith


Currently Reading

Homicide: A Year On The Killing Streets by David Simon
The Will Of The Wanderer by Margaret Weis & Tracy Hickman

When Fundies Attack

Recently I posted on Twitter my displeasure concerning the Texas School Board's decision to pass a new curriculum favoring religion over evolution. Last night I got a message from a fellow Tweeter, though he and I do not follow one another. Below is the transcript of our conversation. I'm not using names to protect the naive.

Him: You believe all this evilution nonsense or what?

Me: What do you gain by denying it? The evidence is overwhelming.

Him: What evidence, answer me this, can a baby take care of itself? and can something come from nothing?

Me: No. What does that have to do with evolution?

Him: How would the first organism to evolve be able to take care of itself?

Me: Well it was bacteria. Not much to it.

Him: Well what about the first mammal to pop up on the scene, all mammals must have a mom!

Me: Of course.

Him: Ok so obviously the mammal's Mom must of started as an adult, and had to have been created!

Me: False dichotomy.

Him: there is no way the first mammal could have survived without a mother!

Me: I don’t think you understand evolution

At this point I got tired of the argument, and blocked him. He may or may not have replied. I don't know. I didn't see the point in continuing since he didn't appear to have even a Jr. High understanding of evolution.

So, I went to bed, and forgot about the whole thing. When I woke up, however, I found it was far from over. I had seven direct messages sent to me while I slept from people who had obviously read our exchange, and were none too happy with me. Initially I deleted these messages without replying, but, luckily, copies were also sent to my email. I have copy/pasted the messages below, and added what I would have said had I chosen to reply.

Does It Bother You That Your Going To Hell Believing The Evolution Lie?

No. There is no hell. Oh, and it's "You're."

Why do you atheists insist on shoving it down our throats? This country was founded on Christian doctrines.

No it wasn't. It was founded on Greek democracy and the Old Roman Republic.

There is no evidence for evolution, let alone overwhelming evidence. Your just a blind sheep following Darwin.

We have been collecting evidence for over 150 years now, and not a single shred of it has pointed to anything other than evolution. Visit a museum. Oh, and it's "You're."

You and the other evolutionists are bound for hell. Dearwin was a puppet of satan, and so are you.

I'll steer clear of "Dearwin," should I see him.

I will pray for you.

Thank you.

Jesus is LOVE. Evolution led to Hitler. You need to think about the choices your making.

Yes, Hitler "believed" in evolution. He also "believed" in gravity (another scientific theory), and was kind to dogs. Feel free to float away, and kick a puppy. Oh, and it's "You're"

The problem is simple, The Bible is FACT. All you have is a theory.

Evolution is both a fact and a theory. Unlike most seventh graders, you don't even know what a scientific theory is.

There you have it. I know I'm dealing with the lunatic fringe here, so there's no need to expound upon this any further. I just wanted to share. Although, I'm surprised none of them called me a "looser."

The Creepshow - The Garden

I'm almost convinced that nobody reads this blog, but that's okay. Earlier this week I made a rare discovery: a band I like that was formed within the last five years, performing a song I like written before 1995. So I thought I would share it with you, Non-Existent Reader.

Fission Mailed

In my least shocking news of the year I would like to announce that I failed my Slow Reading Challenge with Stephen King's Under The Dome. What can I say? The book was good, and I wanted to see what happened. This actually happened about a month ago, and I've read a few since. I think in place of the Challenge I'll just keep a running list of what books I read this year.

Books Read

Under The Dome by Stephen King
John Dies At The End by David Wong
Fool by Christopher Moore
Jingo by Terry Pratchett

Currently Reading

The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents by Terry Pratchett
Bobby Fischer Goes To War by David Edmonds and John Eidinow

Fair and Balanced

Dear Mr. Science Guy,

You make me wanna spit. Yesterday, I seen you on the tv - and it weren't no honest tv like fox news - talkin about how it ain't vaxinations causin babies to get autisitic. You must think I was born yesterday. You think I am so stupid as to not see your fancy little cover up? Huh? You think I don't know that you egg heads are just pupets for Big Pharma? And that Big Pharma is just a pupet for the goverment and Barrak Husane O'Bama? And that Husane is taking orders directly from the New World Order?

Yeah, you talk like you are on the up and up. Sayin I can go here or there on the computer, and see for myself. Well I ain't goin to some liberal website tryin to convert me in to a dam muslim! No sir. Did Barrak Husane O'Bama cry for this country? No! You know who did? Glen Beck, and he ain't said word one about vaxines NOT causin autism. And unlike your hero Keith Overman he is FAIR AND BALANCED.

So save your breath because this guy right here ain't fallin for it! I ain't gettin my boy vaxinated, and I ain't drinkin milk from no radioactive cows, and I damn sure ain't puttin no muslim back in the white house!!!

You discust me,

Grant 'Jimmy Lip' Hogan

J.D. Salinger (1919 -2010)

J.D. Salinger, author of The Catcher in the Rye and many other great novels, has passed away at age 91.

Jay Leno sucks

Under The Dome (slow reading challenge)

One of my many and awesome Christmas gifts last month was Stephen King's latest door stopper Under The Dome. Weighing in at 1,072 pages it's his third longest book after The Stand and It.

Andy, handsome as you are, I don't see how you can make time for this book and meet the grueling goals you've set for yourself in 2010.

Well, there's a few ways I can tackle this. The Old Andy (1979 - 2009) would've stuck his nose in the book to the exclusion of all else including wife, friends, and domestic chores, and would only come up for air once the book was completed. Given the length of this book, maybe five or seven days.

But this is the New Andy (2010 -), who is all about setting goals and writing in the third person, so therefore I give an additional new goal for this year:

4) Read Only One Book, And Take As Close To One Year As Possible To Do It.

I got this idea from the Final Fantasy VII speed runs I did last year, where I tried to beat said game as fast as possible. Of course this is the opposite type of challenge. Now I said the book was 1,072 pages long, but it starts on page three so it is actually 1,070 pages. For the book to last one year I would have to read 2.9315068493150684931506849315068 pages per day, but we'll call it three. So if I start tomorrow, January 3rd, I will finish in 356.66666666666666666666666666667 days,or just before Christmas 2010.

There are a couple advantages of this goal/challenge that spring immediately to mind. When I resume a more normal reading schedule next year (minus the ignoring the rest of the world) I'll have a whole years backlog to work through. This should help me get through the dry spells that pop up every year as I wait for my favorite authors to publish. Plus I won't be spending my money and wasting my time on the crap books I always turned to during those dry spells.

Can I meet the challenge of such moderation? Only time will tell.